I stopped at Starbucks this morning to treat myself to most likely one of my last Skinny Peppermint Mocha lattes before work.  The peppermint season is over but I still needed to sneak one more in before they stopped carrying the flavor.  I even skipped my morning breakfast bar so I could indulge in some added morning calories.  I know, healthy right? 

Coffee is good.  Before-work coffee is great.  Coffee dates with a friend is the best.  It’s like a brain dump.  A moment of getting things off your chest or blabbing about randomness over a delicious caffeinated beverage.  So let’s do it in an e-date.

If this were a coffee date….

…I’d tell you that I’m back to running on weeknights again.  I’m tracking my daily steps with my FitBit Flex, my calories with MyFitnessPal and running 30 minutes on my portable elliptical while watching my guilty pleasure tv shows.  I’m also trying to motivate myself to being and feeling healthier, rather than “fat shaming” and making myself feel bad about things.  No more weighing in.  No more obsessing about the number on the scale.  Just moving my feet and watching what I eat.  There’s got to be a better way than what I was previously doing.

…I’d also tell you that I’m having a hard time getting motivated to run.  But once I start, it feels good.  I’ll never be a runner, my knees won’t allow that.  But I’ll always find a way to keep moving.

…I’d tell you that Bennett has been taking me out on dates a lot lately.  And I love spending extra time with *just* him.  He practically has to drag me out the door because I’m a guilt-ridden monster that doesn’t want to leave Louis but once I’m out, I really do enjoy the time with just the two of us.  Hopefully it’ll get easier to leave the Bug as time goes on.

…I’d tell you that my sewing machine and I are making really good friends.  I think she needs a name.  As does my serger.

…I’d tell you that I often feel stuck between where I am and where I want to be, in regards to my career path.  I can’t make the leap to the next level but I’m not willing to give up on my aspirations.  It’s a never ending inner turmoil. 

…I’d tell you that I joined in my first sewing monthly club.  I had so much fun making my purse over the weekend that I entered into a pattern-release club for the next six months where we practically get to be testers for new patterns.  Which means that I will have more purses and bags than I’ve ever had in my life.  But it will also challenge me to continue developing my sewing skills and learning to pick out fun coordinating fabrics.

…I’d tell you that I’m learning how to use my surroundings (and my trusty camera remote) to take pictures of myself and the things I make.  I’ve never been camera shy but also feel silly with pictures of me, all by my lonesome.  And I feel super silly taking them.

…I’d tell you that I’m happy.  Often frustrated with my lack of control over things, but happy.  Being sad or mad isn’t my style.

Sometimes it feels good to say things out loud, even if there is no resolve.
Thanks for lending an ear.