Parenting can be hard.
And holding your own temper back while your child is being unruly can be even harder.
People might think Bennett and I are crazy but we are on a no-yelling system when it comes to Louis. I’d like to add that we sometimes [often] fail at this system but we keep trying.
I don’t think it’s fair that we teach our children to not yell at us by yelling at them. It’s basically saying it’s not okay for you to be bad but I can do whatever the hell I want because I’m an adult. When he cries or yells or acts like a little butthead, we make him take a deep breath and count to four (before he roars, thank you Daniel Tiger), then calmly explain what happened. Believe it or not, a lot of times it really does work. Sometimes taking a step back from whatever you’re freaking out about helps.
It’s tough. I’m not saying that we are perfect at it. Or that we are even remotely perfect parents. Unless perfect parenting includes getting things wrong all of the time and having life lessons thrown at you on a daily basis. Then yeah, we are totally perfect.
I just don’t see the need to have everyone running around mad at each other when it just takes a minute to calm down enough to talk to each other. Kindness does work…
The only problem is that we have an incredibly stubborn and smart little kiddo.
When I got home from work last night, Louis greeted me with a hug and then asked what I brought for him. “Where is the surprise? Did you bring me something new? A toy?”
”No, I didn’t. I’m sorry but you don’t always get something when I come home/we go to the store/you think you need something new.”
Louis got upset. Pouted, cried a little and huffed around the house. And then he asked permission to take a deep breath and count to four. I thought we might have gotten over the hump when he came up to me and said, “Momma, can we talk about it in the winning woom?”
So we did. He sat on my lap and talked calmly about how he wishes I would have brought him something home because he wanted a new toy. And I calmly explained to him why he didn’t need anything new right now. He was left unsatisfied but at least he felt like his little voice was heard?
I don’t know how else to do this. To get over the entitled toddler aspect of things. And the mini-freakouts that happen. This is the path we’ve chosen and we are going to stick it out. Smother him in kindness and hope that he comes out on the other end of it a wonderful human being that thinks before he speaks and doesn’t yell and fight with the people around him. :: fingers crossed ::
**These particular pictures are from another “can we talk about it” moment. If he is disagreeing with one parent and the other is out of the house, Louis will request that we call the absent parent so he can tell them what’s happening. I get a few calls during work like this while Louis and Bennett are butting heads a little. It’s sweet and it usually ends with him being a little more calm, even if I am siding with his Daddy the entire time. 🙂